We don’t have secrets.
I’ve been feeling so lost lately. All my life down to the very second every “epic” moment has been planned. From the moment I stepped foot in high school I knew I would come to Oklahoma State and I knew my major would be English. I also knew I would soon be a writer/publisher. I constantly catch myself doing this for my new future: Cars, marriage, housing, babies, etc. It’s like a disease that I just can’t shake. But now looking back on all my silly plans I’ve come to the realization that my “plans” were not at all what I wanted or planned on. I came to OSU and my first year here was absolutely horrible. I hated it so much and recently after my sister’s graduation I’ve started to feel completely alone. It dawned on me a few days ago, that if Chris and I had never met, I would’ve moved back home this summer.
I’ve never had a knack for making friends, but as of late I’ve tried very hard to expand from that. I’m doing really well making friends at work and trying to suppress my anxiety I feel from other people. Not only have I been doing so well making friends but I firmly believe my friendship with Chris grows everyday. Our relationship didn’t start as friends like everyone else in the world. We sorta jumped into everything, but I’m absolutely sure now that he is my very best friend. We live together full time (like we have been since August) and I can honestly say that I feel like I’ve known him for my entire life.
I planned every moment, but I didn’t plan on so many changes. I feel like a completely different person from the girl I once was. I think for the first time in my life: School, work, friends, love, people, relationships, money, etc. I feel very proud and successful. Regardless of whether or not I live in a cardboard box and eat Ramen Noodles for the rest of my life, as long as I am truly happy that is all that really matters. It’s all that ever mattered.
